The Billion Year Backup System (working title)(Workshop & Comments thread)

[Rusty Edge]

Don't sweat it. There's other stuff I could/should be doing- except my back is being a pain in the literal sense.

I can always get back to Kzin III.

[Buster's Uncle]

It's looking slow and the nap did me some good now that I've eaten.  I might get on it momentarily.

[Buster's Uncle]

the Thrintin, a species

Thrintun, isn't it?

my main accomplishment was discovering another handicapped sentient species, the Grogs,

Handicapped should be capitalized - the story made a point of it.

Passing out now.  More tomorrow.

[Rusty Edge]

This is why a story needs a second set of eyes, because the writer doesn't exactly read what's on the page so much as remember as they look at it.  As an example- I thought I did capitalize Handicapped.

Thrintun Tnuctipun Viprin.  It's screwed up everywhere... We'll let this last posted version alone to show the evolution, and I'm correcting the working draft I have.

[Buster's Uncle]

Yeah; happy to proof for you.  Sure I'll find more, though you've done a very good job.  You REALLY get the universe and the style.

[Rusty Edge]

Thanks. Known Space is an interesting place to dwell, and it's been fun talking with you about it. I met a writer on the net when I was still strictly a reader, circa 2001. She said the most important thing about writing fiction is to care about the characters, because it shows. The more I read, the more I think she was right.

So I picked some that I liked. For the benefit of future readers of this thread, I loved Bey's adventures, but he normally deals in hard science that's beyond my education. His life story is mostly told, and I only halfway think like him. Louis is much like his dad, and I haven't read all of his stuff. . But there seemed to be room in their lifetimes with Known Space stories about the relics and remnants of the Slaver Empire.


Here's a link to the predecessor of this thread, to give the curious a look at the process.
http://alphacentauri2.info/index.php?topic=17711.0

I also noticed that Garvey refers to it as his dad's company in Handicapped, so I rewrote things to make his dad the CEO.

[Buster's Uncle]

Wasn't there a line about problems Big G couldn't handle being kicked up to G-Prime and rarely, something made it up to G Cubed?

[Rusty Edge]

Yes.
When Garvey and Jilson  were sitting in the bar on Down, talking shop.

Another reason for the change I already made in my draft- Dad as Chief Executive Officer, and Gee-Prime ( that's the proper spelling ) As Secretary/ Treasurer  of the board of directors.

[Buster's Uncle]

Okydoke.

Sorry to let you down another day - I don't know where the time went, and didn't get the improved avatar for Uno done, either.  Beginning to pass out, though...

[Rusty Edge]

No problem. I wondered how you read so fast the last time.

I still haven't advanced on reading Man-Kzinn story, and I'm making all of these mini changes, so I gave up on the word count, because what I'd already done has changed.

Besides, you'll do a better job with a good night's sleep or a nap.

[Buster's Uncle]

Yeah.

I read really fast and live here is how I do it...

[Buster's Uncle]

When Garvey and Jilson  were sitting in the bar on Down, talking shop.

Bruno Cziller's, where they used to have flying booths.  -I'm drawing a blank on where/when else it was he placed Cziller's Bar, though I'm thinking also Known Space but improbably hundreds of years and a different planet away - family business?  Who is Bruno, anyway?  It smells of a real person, not even tuckerised, like when he used his biker friend in Lucifer's Hammer and Footfall under different made-up names.

(If there's a skinny black man who's scary smart and probably knows martial arts in any of his recent stuff I haven't read, that's Steven Barnes...)

[Rusty Edge]

1st page Google Larry, Jerry, Bruno hits include Mote in God's Eye & The Gripping Hand.

[Buster's Uncle]

The more I look at the Garvey opening, the more I think it's gotten ... too exposition-heavy; you could drop everything about prions completely and the liver thing being disgusting does not compute, as-is.  Maybe be thinking about trimming down on what's not essential to understanding the story for a reader with no Known Space knowledge, and look at what could be moved a little later in the tale?  I'm afraid the smoking passage began too long for the good of the story...

Typical of Niven is rather sparse prose - he tries to use up one idea to a story; not all the scenery in the world, and plot scoots along...

[Buster's Uncle]

"Anne-Marie was a willowy 'Crashlander'" -is that right?  I was thinking Wunderlander -almost as tall- or is that just what you had her in the previous draft?  The Soft Weapon definitely says, IIRC, right at the beginning while Jason puts his arm around her waist...