Alpha Centauri 2

Community => Recreation Commons => Topic started by: Dio on September 16, 2013, 02:33:09 PM

Title: Jokes
Post by: Dio on September 16, 2013, 02:33:09 PM

Please keep all jokes non offensive to any particular ethnic group, religion, or other demographic catergory.

So here is one.

What did the tractor say to the trailer?

Pull me closer John Deere (pronounced like deer or dear). :)

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Dio on September 16, 2013, 03:44:24 PM

More jokes are always appreciated :P.

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Geo on September 16, 2013, 05:17:59 PM

/me grabs a xenofungal gin... ;cute

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: JarlWolf on September 16, 2013, 11:04:13 PM

Quote from: Dio on September 16, 2013, 02:33:09 PM

Please keep all jokes non offensive to any particular ethnic group, religion, or other demographic catergory.

Crap, there goes a load of mine down the drain.  ;lol

Right... here's one.

A chicken-farmer had died and had ended up in the afterlife, and he was looking back on his life.
He missed his wife, who was still alive, and pleaded with the afterlife authorities to be placed back on Earth to be close to his wife. They agreed, but he would be reincarnated as a chicken.
He cautiously agreed and was reincarnated. Waking up to his new form, he got up and prodded around, very dazed and confused. He saw his wife tending the garden and there was a bunch of other chickens about as well. She then herded all of the chickens into the coop as there was a storm brewing, thunder and lightning. All of the chickens huddled in there, and with nothing else to do, started to lay some eggs. The reincarnated farmer was confused and did not know how to lay eggs, and then one of the chickens said to him, "just ease up and don't try to fight your fear."

He slowly nodded, bobbing his head. The lightning struck closer and he was legitimately frightened, and having eased up an egg shot out of the reincarnated farmer. Another strike, and another, and another.

Then all of the sudden the Farmer woke up in his bed, his wife shaking him and yelling at him, "Dale stop crapping the bed!"

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: gwillybj on September 17, 2013, 03:37:35 AM

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?

A walkie-talkie!

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Unorthodox on September 17, 2013, 07:43:58 PM

Quote from: JarlWolf on September 16, 2013, 11:04:13 PM

Quote from: Dio on September 16, 2013, 02:33:09 PM

Please keep all jokes non offensive to any particular ethnic group, religion, or other demographic catergory.

Crap, there goes a load of mine down the drain.  ;lol

Right... here's one.

A chicken-farmer had died and had ended up in the afterlife, and he was looking back on his life.
He missed his wife, who was still alive, and pleaded with the afterlife authorities to be placed back on Earth to be close to his wife. They agreed, but he would be reincarnated as a chicken.
He cautiously agreed and was reincarnated. Waking up to his new form, he got up and prodded around, very dazed and confused. He saw his wife tending the garden and there was a bunch of other chickens about as well. She then herded all of the chickens into the coop as there was a storm brewing, thunder and lightning. All of the chickens huddled in there, and with nothing else to do, started to lay some eggs. The reincarnated farmer was confused and did not know how to lay eggs, and then one of the chickens said to him, "just ease up and don't try to fight your fear."

He slowly nodded, bobbing his head. The lightning struck closer and he was legitimately frightened, and having eased up an egg shot out of the reincarnated farmer. Another strike, and another, and another.

Then all of the sudden the Farmer woke up in his bed, his wife shaking him and yelling at him, "Dale stop crapping the bed!"

;lol

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Arbee on September 22, 2013, 08:41:46 PM

Found this while browsing Tickld (http://www.tickld.com), thought it fit more into jokes than funny pictures or captions.  I could be wrong, but if it's wrong to be wrong, then I don't want to be right.

(http://www.tickld.com/images/content/320328.jpg)

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: Rusty Edge on August 29, 2016, 03:40:08 AM

A Photon walks into a hotel lobby.
The bellman says " May I help you?"
"No. I'm travelling light."

Title: Re: Jokes
Post by: E_T on August 29, 2016, 04:59:27 AM

Quote from: Rusty Edge on August 29, 2016, 03:40:08 AM

A Photon walks into a hotel lobby.
The bellman says " May I help you?"
"No. I'm travelling light."

Part of the wave of colorful humorous tales...   :p